Monday, October 24, 2005


So I have come to the conclusion that the whole comfort level that I afford people, most anyone, is just too much. I need to reign it in. Not give so much.

People I just meet, guys on 1st/2nd dates, friends of is all the same; I give them instantly what they want in whoever they are meeting.

The intention of this little post isn't about making myself sound good or the end all be all, but what I am saying is this gets me into alot of trouble. False friends, false loves, false feelings on both sides because the emotions I felt from others were not real.

Do I try to do this consciously? Not anymore than anyone else but within twenty minutes to a half hour I can literally have someone spilling their guts to me or a new boyfriend or both.

It is just in the last year or two have I really paid attention to this. I have even thought of going in the psychological field. *Note: Talk to Pabs about that.

Not sure what this one means in the long run, except to warn myself and anyone interested, don't be sucked in by what you see and feel. Wait and wait and wait a little more than marry me.

Just came across the note that made me want to write this post. I had hear
Elton John's, "I Want Love". Just seemed to strike a cord really quick with me. Made me realize what I want and what I deserve.

I will include some of the lyrics below. If you think it is an impossible thing let me know. I get emails from people about the blog. Put it in the comments too. Let others read what you think.

I want love, but it's impossible
A man like me, so irresponsible
A man like me is dead in places
Other men feel liberated

I can't love, shot full of holes
Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold
Don't feel nothing, just old scars
Toughening up around my heart

But I want love, just a different kind
I want love, won't break me down
Won't brick me up, won't fence me in
I want a love, that don't mean a thing
That's the love I want, I want love

I want love on my own terms
After everything I've ever learned
Me, I carry too much baggage
Oh man I've seen so much traffic

So bring it on, I've been bruised
Don't give me love that's clean and smooth
I'm ready for the rougher stuff
No sweet romance, I've had enough

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How I Spent the Afternoon.