Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Have You Ever.....

just wanted to cry and you can't?

Ever feel like you just don't remember how?

Lately I think I just can't anymore. I have been let down a number of times lately, just loving/hating my life, being happy with what I have/wanting more out of myself but you would think at least once I something would come out of me. At least a glassy eye; nothing.

I know I am incredibly guarded at all times and I am the one people honestly love to be around because I make you feel good about yourself, but I am starting to think that being that person really does take its toll on me personally. I don't know why. Maybe it is just the giving; what is really left for me.

Now I am not saying it is anyone's fault but my own. In the phrasing of Vincent from last season's Project Runway, " I don't know but it gets me off". I do like to make people feel good.

Maybe it is I am just saturated with what people say is Real NY. NYC is so real. NYC is about as real as Los Angeles, except in Los Angeles people will tell you like it is, not pretend and lie to your face. I prefer straight forward. Tell me, don't make me wait. Don't make me hear it from other people.

Life is not fun right now.

God. I just want to cry.

3 comments:

Christopher said...

You're not alone. I think sometimes that I've grown such a thick skin, that it's prevented me from letting go, when I need to, and just balling my eyes out.

The last time I did cry though was a flood of tears...I think all that I had built up and kept inside finally got a chance to escape....I felt real good afterwards (but looked a hella mess).

Take care!
Chris

Schawn said...

Cry. Laugh. It is damn hard to genuinely express emotions, but boy does it feel good when you let it out. I just watched THE HOLIDAY, and as bad a movie as it is, I could really relate to Cameron Diaz's character, who was incapable of tears.

Anyway, I hope you laugh more than cry, but the expression of emotion is still paramount.

Chin up. And SMILE.

P.S. LA people suck worse than NY, trust me.

Baiaz said...

Can I ask you something...

I have been in New York 4 times and to me the people there seems so friendly and nice!

But a lot of my friends in New York says... dont let you be fooled... many of them have an alternative motive to be nice... if they think you can provide them with anything .. like a free meal, "better" friends, VIP passes or something like that..

To me I did not understand this!

But my friends says that New York changes a person if they stay there tooo long. In the end a person can be like this:

Why should I be friends with you? What can you provide to me? What assets do you have that I can ENJOY?

I was shocked when I heard this! But I come from Oslo, Norway and I am probably naiv? Is it like this in New York?

How I Spent the Afternoon.