Friday, February 17, 2006

When did we stop looking for more?

When did we stop looking for more?

Have you seen something like this before?

But here is a little about me and what I look for.

This is one of the hardest parts for me. But lets see what I can put together to give you an idea about who I am.
A born Sag. I would say I had a regular childhood if not a little on the spoiled end. Grew up on the beach in LA but when I was able I ran away to the other big, bad city of NYC and that is where I have remained for the past 11 years.
I work in the business/personal management end of the entertainment field. I like my job but I am really looking for something that is more rewarding to me.
I do tend to take most of my free time playing/coaching volleyball, hanging with my friends, shopping, watching TV, reading, I love to walk around and just take stupid pictures in New York. I will never use them and hardly ever keep them but it is a nice outlet and good way to see parts of the city I wouldn’t notice.
There is just too much about a person to sit here and write about. Even the longest descriptions don’t tell you what you really need to know; though they are usually the most helpful to see if you can match.

What am I looking for? I am looking for someone like me and someone who is in no way like me.
Like me:

Funny - I hope I am
Smart - I think I am
Comfortable in your own skin
Friendly
Fun
Athletic or at least someone who cares about their body, non-fanatic
Emotional, but low on drama
Trusting, it was lacking but I am working on that

There is more but if you can say you have the majority of the above then see how you match up with the next part.

You would have:
Your own friends
Your own interests
Interests in what I do and vice versa
Basically your own life but willing to take the time to include me in it.
Even a life together doesn’t mean you are together all the time.

Again, a big order, but I trust that it is out there for me….no matter where I have to go to get it.

Of course you have and if you are wondering, yes, that is on one of my profiles and I don't think there is anything wrong with it.

But as I was talking to a friend, Sunday after the snow storm, it would seem that this is really not what people are looking for.

I have profiles on just about any gay site that you can find. Yes, I started out with Gay.com and Planetout.com back when that was all there was. After that came Love@AOL, when I was on AOL. Next there was Gaydar, Yahoo Personals, Manhunt, Nerve, Hot or Not (a mistake) and a plethora of others.

Now if you sit and look at those listings they are offering different things and my profiles do read differently on each one. The written piece above plays to my seriously hoping to find a relationship via the web on things like Yahoo and actual dating sites.

What we ended up discussing was how people don't' read anymore. We also found that it doesn't matter what you are looking for; people do not necessarily use a site the way it was intended or hoped to be. Do you expect to get a hook up via Yahoo or Match.com (one that I am actually not on)? I wouldn't and I don't look for that on there. But I do get plenty of messages asking for that.

But I do hold out hope that someone from Manhunt or something like that would be something more than a hot body.

Basically I am down to wondering if the internet will be anything more than a hook up world and just give up on finding real people. But then again, who am I kidding. I will hold out the hope that there are real people out there looking for the same thing as me and who understand what it can or can not be. I want more. And I will find it.

Has anyone out there given up hope that they can find more than the hook up?

2 comments:

Linear Jones said...

It's all in the approach and your consistency with that approach.

If you don't want hook ups, don't engage in them. If you want hook ups until the right repeat comes along, state it so and follow through. If you only want hook ups, just do that.

Never presume, never assume.

The Internet is a place of ease. Instantaneousness. You want sex, you log on to gay.com or Manhunt and 2 hrs later he's at the door and bending over. You want a boyfriend, you log on to whatever site you choose and set your tent - many will pass by your tent, look inside. Many might want to stay...for a little while. You might have to offer them a drink or send them on thirsty.

I met my last 2 bf's on the internet. The latest - we met on Out in America. We played tennis. Didn't sleep with him until 2 months later and dated for 3 plus years.

Never presume, never assume. It is only what you make it state it relate it.

gps said...

hi chris,

i think it is entirely possible to find everything one wants in a relationship, even online. what starts out as a hookup can lead to something more. both people have to want that and have an open mind. we all too often shut the door on someone because at first glance or conversation they dont posses one of our requirements on our own checklist. but not everyone is themselves on a first meeting. if you like someone enough to want to be with them once, i say keep an open mind. give that person a chance to show you what they are about. we are all too complicated to possible show all our sides in one meeting. yes, people love to feel that instant zing when u just know you like someone. but that doesnt mean you will get along long term either. in the end, sometimes those that say they are looking for all these things in someone really arent looking at all. its a way to keep themselves out of a realtionship. because even the best ones are hard sometimes, and they all require nurturing to grow. maybe a lot of people just dont feel like putting in the time for one. i know myself, i am beyond ready to try again.

hope all is well.

How I Spent the Afternoon.